Farewell Richie….
Yesterday, we went through the difficult process of burying a dear friend. Richie was the jolliest among the group. She was light-heartedly jovial and with such an infectiously bubbly personality, it was almost always impossible not to spot her amongst even the largest of crowds. She was always the persevering one, that friend who was forever attempting to get the group together, no matter if it meant 14 years to the day we neatly stashed our togas away, no matter if it was to be on the last night of her week-long wake.
As I write this post, my heart cries out with guilt more than grief. You don’t grieve the passing of an ebullient friend, instead you bask in the myriad of wonderfully bright memories she had neatly spun unto your life. You remember her meaningful smiles, her cheery disposition, her enjoyable narratives, her hearty laughs…and then you start feeling regret for the many times you failed to do the same for her. I am painfully overwhelmed by this regret and sadly consumed by guilt.
I am probably the worst epitome of a friend, or so I conceded when asked to say my piece the night of her necrological rites. Nervously clutching the microphone, I voiced out how I never went out of the way to check on her, the same she would not miss any of our birthdays, the same way she would call to cheerfully announce a university reunion is underway. She had often reached out, each time as chirpy as a morning bird. I, on the other hand, had often remained stolid, each time only as thankful for the news but always as impassive as a lazy bear.
It was a difficult process indeed, saying goodbye and witnessing the last of her physical presence taking its final resting place. It was a rite totally alien to me, and all throughout the process I was hoping it could also be a symbolic ritual to permanently sealing away deep remorse for the many things left unsaid and for a multitude of actions left unrealized.
It was hard seeing you go Richie, it was tough and equally painful bidding adieu because I knew I never lived up to your notion of a friend. But you have set an example, an illustrious one at that. You have set the bar high for us but I am confident we too can nurture our group’s friendship and camaraderie just the way you would have eagerly continued to do so.
Walk on my friend, and this time, bask in the glory of God’s everlasting amity. We love you dearly and you will always remain in our hearts…our one and only Richie!
For Maria Teresa Muñoz, July 8, 1970 to July 9, 2005.
